This Christmas has been hard but educational. You may ask why I chose those two words? It is because my father passed away on the 23rd. It was hard because it is never easy to lose a parent, even if you didn’t really know them. It was educational because in the few days since his passing I have learned a great deal about him.
A background story so you understand the circumstances, this will be the Reader’s Digest version. My mother and I moved out of our house in OH and moved to WV in 1979 and my parent’s divorce was finalized in 1980. There in the beginning we were in contact but as time moved on our relationship fell apart. The last function he attended was my HS graduation in 1986. Over the years I have tried to mend the relationship, but to no avail. My last time trying to contact him was a friend request on Facebook about a week before he passed.
Now for the educational part….everyone has always said I look and sound like my mother (maybe that was part of the problem), but all of us are a part of each of our parents. I knew the traits that I had inherited from my father, my mom reminded me of them many times (whenever we argued, she said I had his temper). But I knew something else that I inherited that my mom rarely acknowledged and that was my technical abilities. When it came to fixing things that was my job around the house.
But in the past 6 days I have learned that we were more alike than I ever realized. On many topics my mother and I were polar opposites, especially in politics. As an adult our arguments almost always centered around politics or religion. From what I have learned I would have had a staunch ally in my defense of those topics. Don’t get me wrong, on many things my mom was somewhat conservative, but not in her politics. Whereas I was the conservative, and as I grow older, I have become even more conservative, but that is not the topic of this discussion.
I wish now that I would have worked harder at getting that relationship renewed, but now time has run out and I feel regret, but at least I am able to take care of his final wishes and learn about the life he led from others. As I thought about what would happen over the years when he would pass away, or if I would even find out. The last thing I thought would happen was shedding tears. Yet, as I sit here and write this, I am crying for what could have been.
I am sorry that we could not have the relationship that I think we could have had, but now with your passing I can finally change your name. I have always called you my father, because I respected your position as my father, but I couldn’t call you dad. I felt dad was a term that meant relationship. I can now say, even though I didn’t know a lot about you I can call you,
DAD
I am happy that you became a believer in Christ as your Savior so I know I will see you again.
A background story so you understand the circumstances, this will be the Reader’s Digest version. My mother and I moved out of our house in OH and moved to WV in 1979 and my parent’s divorce was finalized in 1980. There in the beginning we were in contact but as time moved on our relationship fell apart. The last function he attended was my HS graduation in 1986. Over the years I have tried to mend the relationship, but to no avail. My last time trying to contact him was a friend request on Facebook about a week before he passed.
Now for the educational part….everyone has always said I look and sound like my mother (maybe that was part of the problem), but all of us are a part of each of our parents. I knew the traits that I had inherited from my father, my mom reminded me of them many times (whenever we argued, she said I had his temper). But I knew something else that I inherited that my mom rarely acknowledged and that was my technical abilities. When it came to fixing things that was my job around the house.
But in the past 6 days I have learned that we were more alike than I ever realized. On many topics my mother and I were polar opposites, especially in politics. As an adult our arguments almost always centered around politics or religion. From what I have learned I would have had a staunch ally in my defense of those topics. Don’t get me wrong, on many things my mom was somewhat conservative, but not in her politics. Whereas I was the conservative, and as I grow older, I have become even more conservative, but that is not the topic of this discussion.
I wish now that I would have worked harder at getting that relationship renewed, but now time has run out and I feel regret, but at least I am able to take care of his final wishes and learn about the life he led from others. As I thought about what would happen over the years when he would pass away, or if I would even find out. The last thing I thought would happen was shedding tears. Yet, as I sit here and write this, I am crying for what could have been.
I am sorry that we could not have the relationship that I think we could have had, but now with your passing I can finally change your name. I have always called you my father, because I respected your position as my father, but I couldn’t call you dad. I felt dad was a term that meant relationship. I can now say, even though I didn’t know a lot about you I can call you,
DAD
I am happy that you became a believer in Christ as your Savior so I know I will see you again.
Doyle Been
March 16, 1945 - December 23, 2019
March 16, 1945 - December 23, 2019
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