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Regret

12/29/2019

1 Comment

 
​This Christmas has been hard but educational.  You may ask why I chose those two words?  It is because my father passed away on the 23rd.  It was hard because it is never easy to lose a parent, even if you didn’t really know them.  It was educational because in the few days since his passing I have learned a great deal about him.
 
A background story so you understand the circumstances, this will be the Reader’s Digest version.  My mother and I moved out of our house in OH and moved to WV in 1979 and my parent’s divorce was finalized in 1980.  There in the beginning we were in contact but as time moved on our relationship fell apart.  The last function he attended was my HS graduation in 1986.  Over the years I have tried to mend the relationship, but to no avail.   My last time trying to contact him was a friend request on Facebook about a week before he passed.
 
Now for the educational part….everyone has always said I look and sound like my mother (maybe that was part of the problem), but all of us are a part of each of our parents.  I knew the traits that I had inherited from my father, my mom reminded me of them many times (whenever we argued, she said I had his temper).  But I knew something else that I inherited that my mom rarely acknowledged and that was my technical abilities.  When it came to fixing things that was my job around the house. 
 
But in the past 6 days I have learned that we were more alike than I ever realized.  On many topics my mother and I were polar opposites, especially in politics.  As an adult our arguments almost always centered around politics or religion.  From what I have learned I would have had a staunch ally in my defense of those topics.  Don’t get me wrong, on many things my mom was somewhat conservative, but not in her politics.  Whereas I was the conservative, and as I grow older, I have become even more conservative, but that is not the topic of this discussion.
 
I wish now that I would have worked harder at getting that relationship renewed, but now time has run out and I feel regret, but at least I am able to take care of his final wishes and learn about the life he led from others.  As I thought about what would happen over the years when he would pass away, or if I would even find out.  The last thing I thought would happen was shedding tears.  Yet, as I sit here and write this, I am crying for what could have been.
 
I am sorry that we could not have the relationship that I think we could have had, but now with your passing I can finally change your name.  I have always called you my father, because I respected your position as my father, but I couldn’t call you dad.  I felt dad was a term that meant relationship.  I can now say, even though I didn’t know a lot about you I can call you,

DAD

I am happy that you became a believer in Christ as your Savior so I know I will see you again.

Picture
​Doyle Been
March 16, 1945 - December 23, 2019
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Christmas Eve Memories

12/24/2019

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PictureNot the best picture of Mary, but it was taken at one of those get togethers so I felt it was appropriate.
​Today is Christmas Eve, while warming myself near the fire a long deep memory came to me. It was a long time ago. But I remember it as if it was yesterday. Shortly after I married Michelle, we traveled to Clarksburg from New Jersey to see her mom and to go with her to the family’s holiday traditional get together. They would meet on Christmas Eve and exchange small gifts, eat and have a good time.
 
This struck a very deep chord with me. You see the people there did not know me at all but welcomed me into their home as if I was born into the family. Never in my life have I felt so accepted and loved. We went to several of these gatherings over the years. It was always the same. Further, Michelle’s mother over the years did not treat me as a son in law, but as her own son.  As her time grew near to depart this life our bond grew more and more, that was Mary.  I am almost ashamed to say it, but I loved her as much, if not more than my own mother. You see I was blessed to have “two moms”.
 
As I write this the tears are flowing hot, but this is tempered with the wonderful memories of a family that took me in as their very own.

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[Rom 8:28 NKJV] 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.

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